My heart bleeded, girl

Nev and I are headed to Pgh tomorrow. He didn't feel well all weekend, poor baby.

Yesterday was a weird roller coaster of events both personal and important.

First was the bullshit with the Texas legislature. The last few weeks with Texas, Ohio, Wisconsin and NC has been infuriating and mind-boggling, but the fact that none of it has gone unnoticed is hopeful. Right?

Then I won an auction to have a hockey writer spend the next five days writing about the Blue Jackets, with the proceeds going to the You Can Play Project. Dave Lozo can be a bit of an ass, but he's a good writer and will do my Jackets justice. I'm pretty happy about it, and happy to contribute to YCP.

The Pirates won. Tim Lincecum pitched a no-hitter. Cory Monteith died. Justin Timberlake named a song "Take Back the Night." (Wtf is wrong with him?)

But pervading all of it was waiting for the Zimmeran verdict, hoping against hope that the gun lobby, the Stand Your Ground bullshit, the racism, that it all wouldn't prevail. Whatever one thinks about the evidence, the trial, the prosecution's case, the make up of the jury, all that matters is that Treyvon Martin wouldn't be dead if Zimmerman hadn't seen a black teenager in a hoodie and decide to hunt him down. Whether you see racism in the verdict or not - and I do - racism was present from the very instant Zimmerman laid eyes on Treyvon Martin. And that's the tragedy of this country, and I'm filled with grief for all of us.

And through it all I kept forgetting that it was Erin and Ashley's birthday. They were busy elsewhere, but still. I went to Target the other day and looked at baby clothes. They sell preemie sizes! I had to improvise when the girls were born, draping them in bigger clothes, or trying to find Cabbage Patch doll clothes that were soft enough for them to wear. I tried to dress them in real clothes during the seven weeks they stayed in the hospital, because it made them seem more real, less fragile. And now my tiny babies are 33 years old, happy and healthy, and I'm so grateful for that.

So, yeah, a weird day yesterday. Today I felt oppressively melancholic, some of which may have to do with the fact that after two years, I may be growing weary of trying to live in two different places at once, even while I feel as if I don't belong in either place. It may be time to do something about that, which is a post for another day.

But mostly I'm just sad at all the hate in the world, and how it never seems to go away.