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withdiamonds at 12:00am on 23/01/2009
withdiamonds at 12:00am on 23/01/2009Stupid migraine. I feel like I've lost this entire week. I barely have the energy to type. I haven't posted all week because I refused to make a whiny post, but I give up. There, you have it. I'm whining.
I've been reading a lot, however, and learning that there is a lot of douchebaggery in the world, and that fandom is made up of people, a lot of whom are douchebags. And a lot of whom aren't. Also, I am amazed at President Obama's first two days in office and amused at the douchebags who aren't. And I could say "douchebag" a few more times, but maybe I'll just get to the episode review.
I pretty much loved every minute of it, and it I had quibbles, I don't remember what they were. Also, I cannot textually render how much I'm looking forward to next week.
Sam surprised me there at the end. I thought when Jay said that his "brother" gave him a gift and he threw it back in his face that Sammy was thinking, "Hmm, Dean gave me the gift of life, paid for with his life and soul and unimaginable suffering, so I shouldn't throw it back in his face by using my freaky psychic powers, because he's afraid for me and doesn't want me to use them." But no, not at all. And Ashley argued with me, and I haven't seen an episode reaction that matches mine and I gave it some more thought today while Neville was dragging me around the yard in the warm sunshine and the melting snow, tracking down deer and rabbit and squirrel poop.
And I realized I was looking at it from Dean's pov, which seems to be my default pov. Dean died and went to Hell so that Sam could live. But he also did it with intent, so that Sam didn't have to, or wouldn't be tempted to, use his powers, the ones that freaked Dean out so much even before Castiel said that God didn't like them much, either. He made Sam promise before he died that he wouldn't use them. So Sam's choice - and I think for Dean, everything comes down to choice, which is why this whole Hell thing is fucking with him so badly - to use them anyway makes it seem like Sam is throwing that gift back in Dean's face. I don't think Dean would verbalize that, I'm not sure if it's something he's consciously thinking even, but that's how it strikes me he might feel about it.
Then I decided to look at it from Sam's pov. Dean sacrificed himself so Sam could live. So Sam needs to DO something useful with that life, and what could be more useful than stopping the apocalypse? So to Sam - and Ruby - moping around and chasing ghosts and ignoring the 66 seals instead of stopping Lilith is the same as throwing that gift back in Dean's face.
My point is that I guess I'm so invested in Dean's pov that when Sam leaned in Ruby's car at the end of the show and said he was ready, let's do it, I actually went, "Whoa, Sammy," out loud, I was that surprised. And I couldn't figure out why Ashley didn't see it at all until I realized how far up Dean's ass I am when it comes to what he thinks is right and wrong.
Their conversation about hunters and longevity broke my heart. Although, really, I don't think Bobby's life is so awful. But here's the difference I see between them, and that difference is also what propelled Sam to make the choice he did last night. I think Sam can see a finish line. If they stop the end of the world, if they can stop the angel/demon war, then I think Sam will feel that they're finished. Job done, time to move on. I can see that need for a normal life, still beating its little wings in the back of Sam's head, and I think he thinks he and Dean can both have that if they just end the war now.
Dean, on the other hand, will never stop finding things to hunt. Ending the demon war doesn't get rid of wendigos and werewolves and vampires and ghosts. He won't ever be able to quit as long as he thinks there are lives to be saved, especially now. It would never occur to him to stop hunting, settle down, get a normal job.
So even if they're successful, Sam will never get what he wants. He and Dean may live to a ripe old age, but they'll only be together if one or the other of them gives up the life they want to live. And while Sam's stubbornness is truly monumental, it pales in comparison to Dean's if you ask me.
Which means I can't envision a scenario where they can have any kind of happy ending at all. Thanks, Kripke. You suck.
I've been reading a lot, however, and learning that there is a lot of douchebaggery in the world, and that fandom is made up of people, a lot of whom are douchebags. And a lot of whom aren't. Also, I am amazed at President Obama's first two days in office and amused at the douchebags who aren't. And I could say "douchebag" a few more times, but maybe I'll just get to the episode review.
I pretty much loved every minute of it, and it I had quibbles, I don't remember what they were. Also, I cannot textually render how much I'm looking forward to next week.
Sam surprised me there at the end. I thought when Jay said that his "brother" gave him a gift and he threw it back in his face that Sammy was thinking, "Hmm, Dean gave me the gift of life, paid for with his life and soul and unimaginable suffering, so I shouldn't throw it back in his face by using my freaky psychic powers, because he's afraid for me and doesn't want me to use them." But no, not at all. And Ashley argued with me, and I haven't seen an episode reaction that matches mine and I gave it some more thought today while Neville was dragging me around the yard in the warm sunshine and the melting snow, tracking down deer and rabbit and squirrel poop.
And I realized I was looking at it from Dean's pov, which seems to be my default pov. Dean died and went to Hell so that Sam could live. But he also did it with intent, so that Sam didn't have to, or wouldn't be tempted to, use his powers, the ones that freaked Dean out so much even before Castiel said that God didn't like them much, either. He made Sam promise before he died that he wouldn't use them. So Sam's choice - and I think for Dean, everything comes down to choice, which is why this whole Hell thing is fucking with him so badly - to use them anyway makes it seem like Sam is throwing that gift back in Dean's face. I don't think Dean would verbalize that, I'm not sure if it's something he's consciously thinking even, but that's how it strikes me he might feel about it.
Then I decided to look at it from Sam's pov. Dean sacrificed himself so Sam could live. So Sam needs to DO something useful with that life, and what could be more useful than stopping the apocalypse? So to Sam - and Ruby - moping around and chasing ghosts and ignoring the 66 seals instead of stopping Lilith is the same as throwing that gift back in Dean's face.
My point is that I guess I'm so invested in Dean's pov that when Sam leaned in Ruby's car at the end of the show and said he was ready, let's do it, I actually went, "Whoa, Sammy," out loud, I was that surprised. And I couldn't figure out why Ashley didn't see it at all until I realized how far up Dean's ass I am when it comes to what he thinks is right and wrong.
Their conversation about hunters and longevity broke my heart. Although, really, I don't think Bobby's life is so awful. But here's the difference I see between them, and that difference is also what propelled Sam to make the choice he did last night. I think Sam can see a finish line. If they stop the end of the world, if they can stop the angel/demon war, then I think Sam will feel that they're finished. Job done, time to move on. I can see that need for a normal life, still beating its little wings in the back of Sam's head, and I think he thinks he and Dean can both have that if they just end the war now.
Dean, on the other hand, will never stop finding things to hunt. Ending the demon war doesn't get rid of wendigos and werewolves and vampires and ghosts. He won't ever be able to quit as long as he thinks there are lives to be saved, especially now. It would never occur to him to stop hunting, settle down, get a normal job.
So even if they're successful, Sam will never get what he wants. He and Dean may live to a ripe old age, but they'll only be together if one or the other of them gives up the life they want to live. And while Sam's stubbornness is truly monumental, it pales in comparison to Dean's if you ask me.
Which means I can't envision a scenario where they can have any kind of happy ending at all. Thanks, Kripke. You suck.
tired