My heart bleeded, girl

So, I had to watch 5.01 again, because Lois has a tendency to TALK and need things explained, and Horace was very restless during the show and it was all very distracting.





Not being an ACDC aficionado, I didn't recognize the song, only the sound. But The Road So Far was awesome. I love how it wasn't just a random montage, but that some of the things in there were significant to this ep, like Castiel talking about needing to have his vessel's permission. I mean, they always do a good job with that, I'm just pointing out that I like it.

Is the title card blood? Does that have to do with the fact that being suitable as a vessel is in someone's blood?

I love Dean's face looking out the window of the plane. I assume it landed and they stole a car out of the airport parking lot?

How much do I love Kurt Fuller? Zachariah is certainly a formidable opponent, isn't he?

I don't hate Castiel, nor do I love him. He is what he is. We'll see how it goes. But from a RL standpoint, I'm all for whatever makes Jensen quit complaining about how hard they work life a little easier for Jared and Jensen so they don't get burned out and start phoning it in.

Okay, I know I'm supposed to be weirded out by Wincest on my TV, and insulted by the fangirl, and I should be clutching the fourth wall with my fingernails, but...I'm just not. I thought it was hilarious, every bit of it. I could not begin to care less if that's Kripke's impression of fandom. Fandom is not a monolith, there are as many kinds of fans as there are fans, and I'm just not fussed about it. I think it's funny. We are canon.

Bobby. It was interesting that Dean didn't want Sam to tell Bobby about Lilith, and that as soon as Sam did, Dean's eyes cut right to Bobby to see his reaction. However, the minute Bobby stood up and started yelling at Sam, I knew he was possessed. He had to be, Bobby would never say those things to Sam. We'll just handwave the fact that Bobby would never let himself get possessed by a demon in a million years.

I actually thought for a minute there that Bobby was really dead. I love how Sam didn't want to leave him at the hospital.

Dean's face as he realized what the angels really wanted him for? Oh, Dean. I'm not sure I understand what Zach meant when he said the Michael Sword had been lost until just then. I mean, they knew where Dean was. Did they not know he was the vessel? Did they only know that he was supposed to kill Lucifer? Someone explain that to me.

The seduction of Nick was terrifying and awesome. Interesting contrast between the way Lucifer gets Nick's permission and Zach tries to get Dean's.

So, God's interested again? Is that what we're supposed to take from what Castiel says to Zach?

I'm never, ever going to wear a white nightgown again.

I love the way Sam is watching Dean during his speech in Bobby's hospital room, with love and amusement. And he believes it.

Okay, Bobby got stabbed in the gut. How does that translate into him never walking again? And having a "good" leg?

Sam and Dean's relationship seems very marital to me here, especially at the end. Dean is tired, and numb at this point. And what he says to Sam feels like a spouse telling their husband or wife that they don't love them anymore. And the rejected spouse wants to fix it, fix it with one conversation, and that can't be done. All that will help is time and patience and actions and behavior to show you've changed. And in the meantime, you have to get through every day, knowing that your relationship is diminished from what it used to be, and it's awkward at best. Awkward, and no one knows how to act. And it's very hard to be patient, and you want to say, "Is it better now? Now? How about now?"

And I'm not about to play the blame game here. I'm a Deangirl but Sam breaks my heart. I understand how and why Sam followed the path he did. I understand Dean's reaction to that, but the way Dean handled Sam last year certainly didn't help. I'm sure with what Dean was dealing with, he didn't have the energy to do more than yell at Sam, but it wasn't at all helpful.

They are both culpable, for both the apocalypse and for the splintering of their relationship and their faith in each other. They each let the other one down in different ways. It took a full year for things to get to this point, and it should take a long time for things to heal. I'm looking forward to it, and I'm glad they didn't just kiss and make up already. This way is much more real.

And it's my favorite thing, longing and pining and being angry and having a hard time reaching out and getting over things. So I'm very excited.