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withdiamonds at 03:08pm on 02/10/2009
withdiamonds at 03:08pm on 02/10/2009So I have this weird thing about icons. I don't like to change them too much because what if I went back to a post from three years ago and had picked a very specific icon to use for it, and now that icon is no longer there? And there's something else in it's place? That's why I've only had 3 default icons in the 6 years I've had this lj. So, I've downloaded a gazillion shiny new icons, but I'm hesitant to fill up my slots with them.
But that's just weird, and I think tonight I will make an effort to at least switch a few of them.
I started writing this last week, when I was giving a great deal of thought to how Dean must be feeling about Sam right now. Not what he thinks, but how he feels.
And I think the best word I came up with was "despair." I wonder if he feels guilty for not killing Sam when it became clear what was going on last year? I wonder if he feels guilty for not leaving him dead in AHBL? Selling his soul for Sam's life was a reckless, impulsive, selfish action done without any thought for the consequences. It was also the greatest act of love and sacrifice ever. It was very interesting to me how all through S3 Dean kept saying he didn't want Sam to save him, up until the very end, and then the first word out of his mouth in Hell, practically, was Sam!
I wonder if he continued to call for him during his 30 years on the rack. I wonder if he ever stopped thinking it was worth it, to suffer unimaginably, just to have Sam alive. I wonder if he thought about Sam those last 10 years, and if he was afraid that Sam would think less of him for caving and torturing souls? I wonder if he had trusted Sam's reaction to what he did more, trusted him enough to confide in him, if Sam would have behaved any differently during S4, or if he was too far down that path to be stopped.
I wonder, in all the guilt and despair Dean brought back with him from Hell, was there also anger at Sam for being the cause of that guilt and pain, however unwillingly?
And the Sam that he came back to, the Sam that did exactly what Dean didn't want him to do, did that make Dean angry? Not just angry for the sake of Sam's heart and soul, which he obviously was, but angry in a look how much I suffered for you and this is how you repay me kind of way. And did that anger make him feel guilty? Prolonged guilt just causes resentment towards the thing you feel guilty about. Which made Dean treat Sam in exactly the way that would cause him to go even further down Ruby's path.
And poor Sammy. Always being told that he was wrong, inside where he couldn't help it, and outside, where he was only right if he did what John and Dean told him to do. He never asked Dean to bring him back, in fact he asked Dean to kill him, and he always, always, tries to do the right thing. All he wants is to save people. And then his brother, the most important person in his life, for all of his life, dies for him, goes to Hell for him. Sam never wanted that, would have preferred to stay dead. He promised Dean he would save him, and then he couldn't. Then there was the four months of despair, on top of Mystery Spot, and Ruby offering him the only solace there was, which was revenge. And, and, and Dean comes back to him and he's obviously suffering, and there's that overwhelming grief and guilt again. And what does guilt cause? Resentment. And after all that, Dean doesn't trust him. He continues to make him feel like a freak about the demon blood, even before he knows what he's doing with Ruby, and he doesn't trust him with the truth about his time in Hell. Obviously Dean is ashamed of breaking in Hell, but he doesn't trust Sam's love for him enough to tell him the truth. More resentment. I also think Sam was pretty angry at Dean by the time he died. And don't forget batshit insane.
Which brings us to this season. Dean is shocked and appalled at the whole Ruby/Lilith/Lucifer thing, but he really doesn't give a rat's ass about the apocalypse. He's angry that Sam chose Ruby and revenge over him. He's freaked out about the demon blood addiction, and uses that as an excuse to say he and Sam should split up.
Sam goes along with it because he's choking on so much guilt he can barely breathe. He's sure he's doomed for all eternity, because no matter how hard he tries to do the right thing, he does harm. He thinks Dean cares about the apocalypse, and he's embarrassed by how he was manipulated.
I keep thinking about Something Wicked and A Very Supernatural Christmas and After School Special, those episodes that really drive home how much they love each other, but also how much Dean has always been responsible for Sam, how much Sam depended on Dean, even though in ASS you could see him starting to pull away from that dependence. All that love, wasted and gone as if it never existed, with the two of them apart and supposedly having to be the two entities the whole damn apocalypse is going to play out through.
So what happened in 5.04 was the only thing that could happen. The only thing that can change the outcome, so that Dean and Lucifer don't meet in that garden in five years time, so that the world doesn't end, is the epic love story of Sam and Dean. They cannot give up on each other, they cannot sacrifice themselves for each other anymore, they can't be distracted by anger, guilt, remorse, or vengeance.
As for the episode itself, I can't believe I keep seeing people talk about how Jared didn't do a good job as Lucifer. I thought he was fabulous. Creepy, inevitable, just a little twee, petulant in his anger at God, just fabulous. He sold it completely. He and Jensen were amazing together in that scene.
Speaking of Jensen, this should be the episode that they submit to the Emmy folks. I don't even have words for how wonderful he was, what a scary good actor he is. Lois kept saying, why doesn't the whole world know about this guy? 2014!Dean was so broken, so hardened, so exactly like what Dean would be like in that situation, so damn hot. The difference between 2014!Dean and 2009!Dean was like night and day, only Jensen managed to convey that with such subtlety and skill. My only quibble is the voice, but that's an ongoing quibble, isn't it?
I loved both versions of Castiel. I think it's perfectly reasonable that if Castiel lost his powers, this is what he would become. I think maybe he's stronger than this Cas, but it's not an unreasonable take on him.
Chuck, I love you. That is all.
Zachariah continues to be clueless and menacing at the same time. I love what Kurt Fuller does with this character.
The thigh holster was very, very nice. As were the panties. That was very Dean, it really was.
Love that we finally got back to Croatoan.
This episode may have to go into my Top Five episodes list.
And it would not have had nearly the impact it did if it hadn't followed what happened in the first three episodes.
Okay, something else I was pondering. I've seen speculation that it would only be right if John ends up being God's vessel. But the thing is, if John is God's vessel, how did he become so important? Was it always preordained that way? Mary was the hunter, she just happened to marry John. In his commentary on In the Beginning, Kripke said that Dean going back in time is what drew Azazel's attention to Mary in the first place, although the angels obviously knew of her, at least I like to think they did. Was it just a coincidence that she married John? Everyone talks about the Winchesters, but it was really the Campbells that were involved from the beginning. Is John a vessel/righteous man by marriage? Although I don't believe what Alistair said about John's time in Hell. I don't think John was a righteous man and I don't believe the plan was for him to break, but he was too strong for them and then Dean just coincidently handed himself over to take his place. Not buying it.
I'd hate to see the decision about who is God's vessel based on an actor's availability, although decisions based on that have certainly been a factor in this show's storylines before. I agree there would be a certain symmetry in JDM coming back to be God, though.
To sum up: Dean was worth Sam going down that bad road and sacrificing himself. He's also worth Sam trying to control his darker impulses. Sam was worth Dean dying for, and he's also worth Dean getting over his doubts and staying with him. I didn't get the feeling that he was going back to Sam to "save" him again, but that he knew they were stronger together and that's how they're going to try and save the world. To build their own future. Kripke said family is going to save the world, and I think he's right.
Well, of course, he is, it's his show.
But that's just weird, and I think tonight I will make an effort to at least switch a few of them.
I started writing this last week, when I was giving a great deal of thought to how Dean must be feeling about Sam right now. Not what he thinks, but how he feels.
And I think the best word I came up with was "despair." I wonder if he feels guilty for not killing Sam when it became clear what was going on last year? I wonder if he feels guilty for not leaving him dead in AHBL? Selling his soul for Sam's life was a reckless, impulsive, selfish action done without any thought for the consequences. It was also the greatest act of love and sacrifice ever. It was very interesting to me how all through S3 Dean kept saying he didn't want Sam to save him, up until the very end, and then the first word out of his mouth in Hell, practically, was Sam!
I wonder if he continued to call for him during his 30 years on the rack. I wonder if he ever stopped thinking it was worth it, to suffer unimaginably, just to have Sam alive. I wonder if he thought about Sam those last 10 years, and if he was afraid that Sam would think less of him for caving and torturing souls? I wonder if he had trusted Sam's reaction to what he did more, trusted him enough to confide in him, if Sam would have behaved any differently during S4, or if he was too far down that path to be stopped.
I wonder, in all the guilt and despair Dean brought back with him from Hell, was there also anger at Sam for being the cause of that guilt and pain, however unwillingly?
And the Sam that he came back to, the Sam that did exactly what Dean didn't want him to do, did that make Dean angry? Not just angry for the sake of Sam's heart and soul, which he obviously was, but angry in a look how much I suffered for you and this is how you repay me kind of way. And did that anger make him feel guilty? Prolonged guilt just causes resentment towards the thing you feel guilty about. Which made Dean treat Sam in exactly the way that would cause him to go even further down Ruby's path.
And poor Sammy. Always being told that he was wrong, inside where he couldn't help it, and outside, where he was only right if he did what John and Dean told him to do. He never asked Dean to bring him back, in fact he asked Dean to kill him, and he always, always, tries to do the right thing. All he wants is to save people. And then his brother, the most important person in his life, for all of his life, dies for him, goes to Hell for him. Sam never wanted that, would have preferred to stay dead. He promised Dean he would save him, and then he couldn't. Then there was the four months of despair, on top of Mystery Spot, and Ruby offering him the only solace there was, which was revenge. And, and, and Dean comes back to him and he's obviously suffering, and there's that overwhelming grief and guilt again. And what does guilt cause? Resentment. And after all that, Dean doesn't trust him. He continues to make him feel like a freak about the demon blood, even before he knows what he's doing with Ruby, and he doesn't trust him with the truth about his time in Hell. Obviously Dean is ashamed of breaking in Hell, but he doesn't trust Sam's love for him enough to tell him the truth. More resentment. I also think Sam was pretty angry at Dean by the time he died. And don't forget batshit insane.
Which brings us to this season. Dean is shocked and appalled at the whole Ruby/Lilith/Lucifer thing, but he really doesn't give a rat's ass about the apocalypse. He's angry that Sam chose Ruby and revenge over him. He's freaked out about the demon blood addiction, and uses that as an excuse to say he and Sam should split up.
Sam goes along with it because he's choking on so much guilt he can barely breathe. He's sure he's doomed for all eternity, because no matter how hard he tries to do the right thing, he does harm. He thinks Dean cares about the apocalypse, and he's embarrassed by how he was manipulated.
I keep thinking about Something Wicked and A Very Supernatural Christmas and After School Special, those episodes that really drive home how much they love each other, but also how much Dean has always been responsible for Sam, how much Sam depended on Dean, even though in ASS you could see him starting to pull away from that dependence. All that love, wasted and gone as if it never existed, with the two of them apart and supposedly having to be the two entities the whole damn apocalypse is going to play out through.
So what happened in 5.04 was the only thing that could happen. The only thing that can change the outcome, so that Dean and Lucifer don't meet in that garden in five years time, so that the world doesn't end, is the epic love story of Sam and Dean. They cannot give up on each other, they cannot sacrifice themselves for each other anymore, they can't be distracted by anger, guilt, remorse, or vengeance.
As for the episode itself, I can't believe I keep seeing people talk about how Jared didn't do a good job as Lucifer. I thought he was fabulous. Creepy, inevitable, just a little twee, petulant in his anger at God, just fabulous. He sold it completely. He and Jensen were amazing together in that scene.
Speaking of Jensen, this should be the episode that they submit to the Emmy folks. I don't even have words for how wonderful he was, what a scary good actor he is. Lois kept saying, why doesn't the whole world know about this guy? 2014!Dean was so broken, so hardened, so exactly like what Dean would be like in that situation, so damn hot. The difference between 2014!Dean and 2009!Dean was like night and day, only Jensen managed to convey that with such subtlety and skill. My only quibble is the voice, but that's an ongoing quibble, isn't it?
I loved both versions of Castiel. I think it's perfectly reasonable that if Castiel lost his powers, this is what he would become. I think maybe he's stronger than this Cas, but it's not an unreasonable take on him.
Chuck, I love you. That is all.
Zachariah continues to be clueless and menacing at the same time. I love what Kurt Fuller does with this character.
The thigh holster was very, very nice. As were the panties. That was very Dean, it really was.
Love that we finally got back to Croatoan.
This episode may have to go into my Top Five episodes list.
And it would not have had nearly the impact it did if it hadn't followed what happened in the first three episodes.
Okay, something else I was pondering. I've seen speculation that it would only be right if John ends up being God's vessel. But the thing is, if John is God's vessel, how did he become so important? Was it always preordained that way? Mary was the hunter, she just happened to marry John. In his commentary on In the Beginning, Kripke said that Dean going back in time is what drew Azazel's attention to Mary in the first place, although the angels obviously knew of her, at least I like to think they did. Was it just a coincidence that she married John? Everyone talks about the Winchesters, but it was really the Campbells that were involved from the beginning. Is John a vessel/righteous man by marriage? Although I don't believe what Alistair said about John's time in Hell. I don't think John was a righteous man and I don't believe the plan was for him to break, but he was too strong for them and then Dean just coincidently handed himself over to take his place. Not buying it.
I'd hate to see the decision about who is God's vessel based on an actor's availability, although decisions based on that have certainly been a factor in this show's storylines before. I agree there would be a certain symmetry in JDM coming back to be God, though.
To sum up: Dean was worth Sam going down that bad road and sacrificing himself. He's also worth Sam trying to control his darker impulses. Sam was worth Dean dying for, and he's also worth Dean getting over his doubts and staying with him. I didn't get the feeling that he was going back to Sam to "save" him again, but that he knew they were stronger together and that's how they're going to try and save the world. To build their own future. Kripke said family is going to save the world, and I think he's right.
Well, of course, he is, it's his show.