My heart bleeded, girl

“Justin, honey, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Justin shrugged.  “Yeah, sure- ” He stopped and eyed his mother suspiciously.  “What about?”  Her tone of voice was far too nonchalant, like she was trying to trick him into a serious conversation.  But he was on to her, knew her too well to fall for that, and he cast a quick glance around, looking for backup.

The hotel corridor was empty, though, which he guessed made sense, since everyone else was already in his or her rooms for the night. There weren’t even any bodyguards out in the hallway.  Justin spared a quick thought for Lance, rooming with Joey again, while Justin was stuck with his mom, and sighed.  Maybe, just maybe, if he told her he and Lance were boyfriends now, she would let them share a room once in a while.  Lance was old enough that his mom wasn’t traveling with them anymore, so maybe…he sighed.  Fat chance.  Maybe pigs would fly.

Besides, Justin didn’t know if he was ready to tell his mom yet.  It’s not that he didn’t trust her.  He was just nervous.  You never knew with his mom.

Lynn slid the key into the lock and turned it, opening the door to the small room they shared.  She motioned Justin in ahead of her, and after locking the door, she tossed her purse on her bed and said, “Sit down, sweetie.”  She settled down in the middle of her bed, sitting Indian-style and smiling sweetly at him, her eyes determined.

Justin’s blood ran cold.  He sighed and sat down on the opposite bed facing her and waited, clenched fists resting on his knees.  He was in for a major interrogation, he just knew it.

“So, how’s Lance doing without his momma here?  He doing okay, not too homesick or anything?” Lynn asked brightly.  She tucked her hair behind her ear and waited expectantly for Justin’s answer.

Oh, crap.  Justin had no idea why he’d thought he could keep this from his mom, why he thought she wouldn’t notice anything funny going on with him and Lance.  He shrugged again, studying his knees.  There was a hole starting near the inside seam of his jeans.  Damn, these were his favorite pair.  “He’s fine, I guess,” he said, shrugging once again.

“Don’t you shrug at me, Justin Randall,” Lynn said sharply.

“Sorry, he mumbled.  He didn’t see what the big deal was about shrugging.

“Justin, honey,” Lynn’s voice softened.  “Is there something you want to tell me?” 

Justin raised his head to stare at her.  No, there wasn’t anything he wanted to tell her, but it looked as if she wasn’t going to give him any choice.  He sighed.  Lance would be happy about it, anyway.  “I think I’m bi.  You know,” he added, blushing furiously.  “I think I like boys, too, not just girls.”  He waited nervously for her reaction, poking his finger into the hole in his jeans, trying to make it bigger.

“You think?  Don’t you know for sure, baby?”  There was a crease of worry between her eyes.  “Did Lance- ”

Justin hastily cleared his throat.  “No!  I mean, yes, I know for sure.  I like guys.  Um, Lance.  I mean, one guy, anyway.”  And now he thought he might die of embarrassment, but he couldn’t have his mom thinking Lance had done something to him, or anything.

Lynn nodded.  “Okay.  I kind of figured you two were…” 
She stopped, not finishing her sentence, thank God.  “I’m not blind, sweetie.  And neither is anyone else,” she added.

“Crap.”  Justin threw himself backwards on his bed, covering his face with his arm.  He knew no one was blind.  He knew Chris especially was watching him and Lance, waiting.  Probably waiting for Justin to tell his best friend what was going on.  He’d just been hoping to avoid ever having to deal with it.  He had the feeling Chris disapproved for some reason Justin couldn’t figure out.

His mom said, “You should talk to the others, honey.  You and Lance.  They deserve to know.  They’re your friends, it’ll be just fine,” she finished firmly, forestalling Justin’s plea that Chris might kill him.  There had been a lot of glaring coming from Chris’s direction lately whenever Justin and Lance did anything together.

“I guess,” he said from under his arm.  He pulled his pillow over his face and pressed down.  Maybe he could smother himself before he had to tell anyone else that he and Lance were together.  Then he remembered what he’d been thinking about before.  He quickly sat up and said hopefully, “Hey, Mom?  Now that you know, do you think me and Lance could share a room once in a while?”  He flashed his most engaging smile at her.

Lynn regarded him steadily for a moment, and Justin felt himself blush again, his smile fading.  Finally, she spoke.  “Justin, you’re sixteen years old.  I’m not stupid, I know what things go on, but you know I can’t do that.”  She shook her head.  “Besides, I don’t think Joey would be all that thrilled to be my new roommate, do you?”  She smiled.

“I guess not,” Justin said, seeing his chances of uninterrupted sex with Lance fading before his eyes.

She scooted to the edge of the bed and stood up.  She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.  “I love you, baby.  Thank you for telling me.”

Like he’d had a choice.  Justin rolled his eyes, but only a little so she didn’t see.  “I love you, too, Mom.”


*****


“So, um, I talked to my mom last night,” Justin said to Lance after breakfast the next morning.  They were waiting for the elevator to take them back up to their rooms so they could get their jackets.  They had a radio interview at 10 o’clock.  Justin just hoped someone at the station spoke halfway decent English this time.  Chris was the only one whose German skills could get him through a conversation, and depending on Chris to navigate them all through any kind of encounter was pretty scary.

“Justin, you talk to your mom all the time, you share a room with her, she’s your mom, you tell her everything, including what you eat at every meal- ” Lance’s eyes widened and he abruptly stopped talking when Justin elbowed him in the side.  “You mean, you talked to her talked to her? Really?  Finally?  How did it go?”

Justin smiled.  “It went fine.  She’s my mom.”

Lance smirked at him.  “I told you- ”

“Don’t say I told you so, dude.  I know you told me, I just needed to do it in my own time,” Justin said with an attempt at maintaining some dignity. 

“She asked you about it first, didn’t she?” Lance laughed.  The elevator dinged and the doors slid open.

“Shut up,” Justin said as he shoved Lance into the elevator. 

Chris and JC were trying to get out of the elevator at the same time and Lance’s momentum bounced them right back in.  “Watch it, Bass,” Chris snarled, then he stopped and looked from Justin’s face to Lance’s and his frown deepened.  “What’s so funny?  It’s the ass crack of dawn, nothing is funny this early in the morning.”

“Chris, it’s 8 o’clock, not exactly the ass crack,” JC sighed, pushing Chris out the door before it could slide shut on his foot.  “Let’s get you some coffee for the road.”

As the elevator rose to their floor, Justin and Lance stared at the lit-up numbers as they changed, each waiting for the other to speak first.  Finally, Lance sighed.  “We’re gonna have to tell them, Justin.”

“I know.”

*****

Chris sat on Lance’s bed, his arms folded across his chest.  JC sat next to him, nibbling on his fingernails and looking worried.  Joey leaned against the wall next to the door, frowning at Justin.  Well, as close to frowning as Joey ever got, more like the sort of expression that would look like polite interest on most other people.

Justin cleared his throat nervously.  He and Lance were seated on Joey’s bed, close but not close enough to touch.  He could feel the warmth of Lance’s thigh next to his own anyway, and it gave him courage.  These were their friends.

Lance swallowed, then said in a voice that Justin hoped sounded more confident to the others than it did to him, “Justin and I have something to tell y’all.”

“No shit,” muttered Chris, and JC poked him in the side.

“Shhh, let them talk,” he said.  Chris batted his hand away, but he shut up.

“We’re, um together, I mean, like, you know a couple,” Lance said, and the tips of his ears were pink.

“We’re in love,” Justin blurted out, then wanted to sink into the floor at the expression on Chris’s face.

JC wrapped one arm around Chris’s neck, pulling him close, and covered his mouth with his other hand, but Chris’s hysterical laughter still came through loud and clear.  “I think that’s nice, J,” JC said over the noise.

Justin looked up at Joey, because there wasn’t anything he could do with Chris and JC at the moment besides ignore them.  Joey was looking at Lance almost possessively and when he turned to look at Justin his eyes narrowed.  He watched them for a moment, then his face cleared and he smiled widely. 

“Just don’t have sex anywhere I can see it and it’ll be fine,” he said, and Justin relaxed.  Joey was just worried that Lance might get hurt.  Justin could understand that, Lance was Joey’s best friend. 

“Right, because I’ve never had to listen to you with a girl in the next bed, Joe,” Lance said, relief in his voice.

“Ew,” Chris said, still snorting giggles into JC’s shoulder.  He straightened up then, sobering up pretty damn quickly, looking seriously at Lance and Justin.  “I’m gonna be blunt here.  I don’t like it, even if you are in love.  Shut up, Justin,” he said, as Justin started to protest.  “I don’t think it’s a good idea.  If you guys crash and burn, the rest of us, the group,” he emphasized, “are screwed.”

“That’s not gonna happen, Chris,” Justin said positively.  He covered Lance’s knee with his hand and they bumped shoulders.  Joey watched them, his face carefully blank but with something dark in his eyes that made Justin uneasy again. 

“You don’t know that,” Chris argued.  He looked like he wanted to say more, but JC shook his head.

“Leave them be, Chris.  Give them a chance.  You can’t stop them, or change how they feel, man.”  He smiled happily across at Lance and Justin.  “Congratulations, dudes.”  He got to his feet, pulling Chris up with him.  “Come on, Joe. I have a new bottle of German wine I’ve been wanting to try.”

“Wine, C?  What the hell?”  Joey laughed and pushed away from the wall, making to follow Chris and JC.

As the door closed behind the three of them, Justin could hear Chris say, “You mark my words, JC…” and then the sound of their voices faded down the corridor.

“Well, that went well,” Lance said dryly.

Justin sighed.  “They’ll get used to it.  Besides,” he added indignantly, “We’re not going to crash and burn.  Even if -” he stopped himself from saying it.  “Well, you know, if we – it’ll be fine.  We’d never let anything effect the group.”

Lance nodded.  “Of course not.”  He leaned forward and kissed Justin, slow and deep.  When he pulled back, Justin had forgotten all about skeptical and annoying bandmates.  Lance smiled at him and said, “I’ll bet Joey won’t come back here for a while.  And besides, even if he does, it’s his turn to pretend to be asleep.’’

Justin stared at him in horror.  “I’m with Chris on that one, man.  Ew.”



Disclosure: the act or an instance of disclosing; exposure; revelation.